Am I Overthinking or Is He Losing Interest?

by | Jun 12, 2023 | Advices, Couple

If only every day could be like the first few weeks of a relationship! Texting to check on each other, long conversations about life, and fun date nights make a relationship exciting and wholesome. But it starts to feel like he’s losing interest somewhere along the line. 

It could be that you’re overthinking, the relationship has run its course, and your boyfriend or husband is beginning to lose interest. 

Some people get more anxious than others, which makes them susceptible to overthinking about relationships. However, it’s also normal for people to lose interest in their partner. So how to tell if he is losing interest in you and the relationship or just in your brain?

This article discusses overthinking and anxiousness about your partner’s less enthusiastic view of the relationship and signs that may help you confirm your assumptions. 

Differentiating Real Concerns and Overthinking

Understanding what overthinking is and how it manifests in people is important. While overthinking isn’t an illness, it can indicate an underlying mental health issue. People with depression and anxiety disorders are more likely to be overthinkers. 

In the context of overthinking about relationships, overthinking about your partner losing interest, cheating, or abandoning you can be linked with a borderline personality disorder. Individuals diagnosed with this order often live with a fear of rejection and loneliness. This fear translates into thinking of exaggerated scenarios, even if they aren’t real. 

At the same time, it’s also possible that your partner could be losing interest. 

If you have a history of anxiety or depression, or you have been diagnosed with a mental health condition marked by overthinking, it may help to speak to a professional before jumping to conclusions. 

Signs He’s Losing Interest

Ask yourself, “Am I overthinking, or is he losing interest” again and again, it may help to look for some signs to confirm. If your boyfriend, fiancé, or husband doesn’t seem as interested in you as he was before, look for the following signs. 

Is he spending too much time away?

If your partner doesn’t spend as much time with you as he used to, it’s not necessarily a sign that he’s getting bored or disinterested in you. However, if he does so willingly, it can be a sign that he’s avoiding spending time with you. 

For instance, if he’s deliberately taking extra shifts at work or staying out with friends every night, it’s a sign that he’s avoiding you and trying to spend less time with you. 

Men may struggle to express their emotions and may not readily speak about their feelings. In scientific terms, this is called avoidance. 

On the other hand, if their time away is simply incidental, you don’t have much to worry about. For example, if work gives him a tough time and keeps him away, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be with you. 

Does he call or text you as much as he did before?

Another common sign that a partner is losing interest is a lack of frequency of communication. It’s normal for some couples to interact less over the phone or text, especially if they live together. However, if the calls or texts become nearly non-existent, there’s a problem. 

Similarly, if he doesn’t respond to your call or text even after a long while, it could be a sign that he’s not giving you the same priority as he used to. 

Are you getting intimate less and less with time?

A lack of intimacy is the most obvious giveaway of a partner losing interest. If your boyfriend or husband doesn’t want to get physical and makes excuses, it could be a sign that he’s not as excited to be with you as much as he used to be. 

However, keeping an open mind is good, as stress or anxiety can affect a person’s sex life. It’s possible that work or health-related stress is keeping them from getting intimate. However, if you’re certain that no such issue exists, your partner may be losing interest. 

How does he respond to your issues?

If your partner is interested in you and cares about you, he will pay attention and care about any issues you may face. But if he doesn’t show compassion or support in your time of need, it’s a sign that something is wrong. 

Discuss any problems outside of your relationship and see how he responds. If he takes the time to discuss the issue with you, provides his perspective, and offers solutions, don’t worry, he’s still very much into you!

In a relationship, it’s important to support your partner; if a partner fails to do that, he’s just not that invested. 

Does he discuss future plans?

If your partner is interested in you, he’ll see you in his future. He will likely make plans with you regarding career, travel, and family. That’s a surefire sign that your partner is still in love with you and considers you important. 

On the other hand, if he has stopped discussing future plans with you or doesn’t include you in those plans, he doubts that the relationship will last. 

You can talk about your future with him to see how he responds. 

Does he still do things for you and complement you?

If your boyfriend and husband still do things for you that make you happy, he hasn’t lost interest in you. Those little things show that the spark is alive, and he still thinks greatly of you. 

Simple acts like bringing your favorite dessert and asking about your day indicate that your partner cares. 

Similarly, if he complements you frequently, he’s paying attention to you and still finds you attractive. 

On the other hand, if he barely does things he used to or complements you, you’re not overthinking. 

Have you caught him cheating, or has he shown interest in someone else?

Infidelity is a major indicator that your partner has lost interest. This can be a big reason why he’s losing interest. If your partner has developed feelings for another person, he will likely pay less attention to you. 

You have your answer if you’ve caught your husband or boyfriend cheating!

Is he open about relationship issues?

If your man is losing interest in you and the relationship, he won’t try to fix the issues. On the other hand, if he’s willing to talk about relationship problems and brings up the issues, he’s still invested in it and you. 

This may vary based on the person, as some people are less vocal about their feelings and are not the best communicators. Still, if your partner deliberately tries to avoid discussing and resolving any relationship issues, it’s a sign that he doesn’t care enough to divulge. 

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What Should I Do?

If all the signs indicate that your partner has lost interest in you and you’re not overthinking, don’t worry, there are ways you can address the issue and salvage your relationship. 

First, you must accept that it’s natural for humans to lose interest in another person. More importantly, their loss of interest doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the wrong or that it’s your fault. It’s easy to blame yourself for others’ feelings and actions, but that shouldn’t be the case. 

That said, if you love your partner and believe the relationship is worth saving, here’s how you can address this issue. 

Communicate openly with your partner

The first step to ascertain that your boyfriend or husband is losing interest and to address the problem is to discuss it with them. If you keep your thoughts and concerns to yourself, you will make yourself anxious and stressed. Instead, it helps to discuss what you’re feeling, experiencing, and seeing with your partner. 

Communication is the key to clarity and transparency in a relationship. If you feel like he has lost interest, tell him. See what he says and how he responds. Explain to him why you feel like that. Let him know his specific actions or words that raised your doubts. 

At the same time, encourage your partner to be honest and open with you. As he opens up and talks, you’ll find out why he’s losing interest. 

Try reinvigorating the passion

It’s normal for a couple to hit an emotional and sensory wall in the relationship, which may seem like a loss of interest. However, it could be that your partner is still very much in love with and interested in you. 

Plan something you both enjoy doing and spend quality time together. Remember, it requires effort from both partners to keep the relationship meaningful and exciting. So try to do your part to keep things fresh and invigorating. 

Seek couple’s therapy

The best way to deal with relationship issues, such as loss of interest from your partner, is therapy. Couples counseling with a professional can help you and your partner discuss your feelings with someone with an objective view. It can help you both open up in a safe space and learn why your relationship is facing problems or your partner has lost interest. 

A couple’s counselor can provide a path to fix your relationship or accept the bitter truth and move on. Either way, you’ll find the answer’s you’re looking for without wondering whether it’s just overthinking or reality. 

Today, it’s even possible to complete therapy and counseling sessions online. One recent study showed that online couples therapy was as effective as face-to-face sessions

You are responsible for taking care of your mental health and not letting relationship problems take a toll. Seek professional help if the worries about your partner or relationship overwhelm you. Remember, it’s brave to ask for help!

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