How to Get Over Someone You Never Dated?

by | Jun 19, 2023 | Advices, Couple

Crushes are common and normal. But what if a crush becomes hard to get over? Even though it never came to the point of dating, let alone a serious relationship, you can’t seem to get over that person. 

Perhaps it’s the idea of the person or longing for a future you know you won’t have; there can be several reasons why it may be hard to get over someone you never dated. But it’s not impossible, and if people can get over partners they have spent an eternity with, surely you can get over someone you didn’t get to date. 

You’re in the right place if you’re wondering how to get over a crush. And know that you’re not alone. We are, after all, creatures who crave love and connection. So the loss of a potential date or relationship can sometimes consume the person. 

Why Is Getting Over a Crush So Hard?

First of all, you need to validate your feelings. In today’s landscape of love and relationships, it may feel surreal to linger on something as basic as a crush. However, it’s completely normal. For some, the experience may be as painful as deceit or breakup. 

There can be many reasons why you may find it difficult to get over someone you never dated. If you truly liked them, it’s understandable that the loss has taken a toll on you. It gets even harder if the person is still around you. As you see or hear them, all the feelings come back with the realization that you can’t have them in your life, at least not how you’d like. 

For many, it can be the attributes of the crush. For instance, you may believe that they are perfect for you. 

Similarly, you may feel lonely, which reminds you of the person you like, and then you start thinking about them. It becomes a cycle every time you’re by yourself.  

You may find it hard to get over a crush because of self-doubt that you’re not good enough, or you’ll never find someone like them. 

How to Get Over Someone You Were Never With?

Now that you know it’s normal to find it difficult to get over someone you never dated, you can move on to taking care of the problem. Here are some recommendations to finally say bye to the crush in a healthy way:

Keep Your Distance

If you find it hard to get over someone you like and know they’re not into you, it’s best to create distance. This can be incredibly hard if the person you like is a friend or coworker. However, bridging the distance between you and them will help you deal with the feelings and divert your mind. 

Of course, it will be very hard if the person you can’t get over is in front of you daily. If possible, you should reduce or completely eliminate any contact with the person. Again, this can be very hard and may not even be possible in certain circumstances. 

This is a classic case of out of sight, out of mind. Once you cut contact with the person and distance yourself, you’ll likely think less and less about them. Your brain’s reward system (and imagination) takes you back to the ‘what if’ scenarios when you see or interact with your crush. 

When we talk about distance, we also mean cyber distance. Stop interacting with them online through messages, likes, and comments. It’s best to delete/unfollow the person so you don’t see them on your social media feed. 

Stop Looking for Reasons

One of the reasons why you’re still clinging to your crush is that you’re looking for reasons or excuses. This is partly because of denial, as you fail to accept that the other person doesn’t want to date you. 

Similarly, it’s easier to pinpoint the blame on yourself. Some people may blame themselves for their crush not liking them back. This constant search for an answer makes it difficult to put everything behind you. 

Every time you try to find the answer to the ‘why,’ you’ll fall down that rabbit hole and want the person. 

First of all, you need to affirm what you’re feeling. Accept that you’re sad about the loss of the potential romance. Most importantly, accept that you can’t date them, and that’s the reality. 

You also need to respect and accept their decision not to date you. Remind yourself that in matters of the heart, nothing can be forced. Que sera sera!

As you accept the situation and understand your feelings, you can begin the healing journey. 

Keep Yourself Stimulated

As mentioned, often, it’s hard to get over someone you were never with simply because you’re too afraid to be alone. You start to feel lonely whenever you’re alone, making you think about the person you could have been with. And then you feel even lonelier and sad. 

Therefore, it’s best to stay surrounded and stimulated and not feel lonely. Go see your family and friends so you don’t feel like you’re all on your own. It can remind you that you’re not alone and are loved, even if one person didn’t give you the love you wanted.  

Of course, you won’t be able to hang out with family or friends daily. So find ways to keep yourself occupied and accompanied. Take on a hobby, something that makes you feel charged and well. 

Journal Your Feelings

It may help to write down what you’re feeling. Sometimes we don’t quite understand why we’re feeling the way we’re feeling. Jotting it down on a piece of paper may give you more clarity. 

It’s possible that you’re not getting over a crush has more to do with something going on with you than just the mere loss of the potential relationship. As mentioned, fear of loneliness or abandonment may trigger you to keep thinking about the person. Your self-doubt or self-esteem issues may make you think you’re not enough and need a person to feel complete. 

Journaling helps you connect with your inner feelings and understand them better. Research shows that journaling can help manage stress and anxiety, leading to better physical and immune health. 

Seek Therapy

Getting over someone you like but never dated can be difficult. If you find yourself in a situation where you just can’t stop thinking about them and the whole situation makes you sad or anxious, seek professional help. 

Like a therapist or counselor, a mental health professional can help you navigate the emotions of the unfulfilled crush. Like journaling, it provides an avenue to talk about your feeling, except to a person who can respond and guide you objectively. 

Therapy is a viable treatment option for people with serious mental health issues. However, it can be equally beneficial for people simply struggling in life. 

Nowadays, speaking to a therapist or counselor via text or video calling is possible. So you don’t necessarily need to go into a clinic or office. Speaking with a professional can give you a better perspective of your feelings. More importantly, you can learn to cope with the feelings and find the path to move on. 

You Can Do It!

Today, you may feel like you’re never getting over that person you liked and never even got to date. However, you’d be surprised how your feelings may change, and you’re unbothered by the crush, even if they show up right in front of you. It may take longer, but in the end, you’ll move on from them. 

Don’t blame them or yourself. Accept your feelings and give yourself the chance to move past them. And don’t be afraid to seek the help of friends, family, and even a therapist. You will get through it and move on to better people and things.

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