Love Bombing Then Ghosting
It’s not you, dating can be quite complicated today. One moment you’re being showered with affection, and the next instance, they’re not even replying to your texts. What went wrong? You’re confused, agitated, and maybe sad, too.
If that’s what’s happened to you, the person you were dating love bombed you and then ghosted you. You probably have many questions. The whole thing doesn’t make sense. But the reality is that this experience isn’t unique to you, and the cause may not even have anything to do with you.
Such behavior indicates the presence of mental disorders such as narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. The experience of love bombing then ghosted can be painful, but there are ways to take back control of your thoughts and move on.
But to do that, it’s important to understand the meaning and reasons behind love bombing and ghosting. While both are fairly new dating lingo, they describe a common relationship behavior pattern.
What Is Love Bombing?
Love bombing involves showing too much affection, particularly at the beginning of a relationship. The person love bombing you may give you a lot of attention, express their feelings frequently, compliment you all the time, and buy you expensive or sentimental presents.
It seems the person has quickly and deeply fallen in love with you. While sometimes such behavior can be genuine, it may seem too intense and quick in most cases.
Signs You’re Being Love Bombed
Love bombing has clear tell-tale signs such as:
- Romantic, sentimental gestures and gifts: They give you thoughtful, romantic presents frequently, even though you have only started dating recently.
- Constant idealization and praises: They’ll constantly compliment and say nice things whether they’re talking to you by text or meeting you in person. They’ll say things like ‘You’re perfect’ or ‘I have never met someone like you.’
- Moving too quickly: They want to take things further too quickly. For instance, they may want to get intimate after just one date or two. They may also express their love for you very early. Similarly, they may begin planning a future with you even when you haven’t committed to them.
- Constant communication: They may text or call you frequently in the early days of dating. They wish to spend more time with you, asking you to meet them.
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Possible Reasons Behind Love Bombing
Love bombing is common in the early stage of dating and relationships. Experts believe it’s an attempt to get closer and attain commitment faster without giving the other person the time to process their feelings.
It may also happen due to the idealization phase of a person with borderline personality disorder (BPD). As individuals with BPD, they may believe that you’re the ‘ideal’ partner for them. They also commonly have a fear of abandonment. These attributes cause them to pursue you and express too much love prematurely.
The affection, praises, and gifts, aka love bombing, can be intense and feel unnatural. However, because you’re being bombed with love, you may be unable to express your concerns. People who are being love bombed may find it hard to tell their partner that it’s too much or too fast for them.
The end goal for such individuals is often to make you fall in love with them or commit to them.
Love bombing isn’t necessarily a sign of a mental health issue. However, it’s unhealthy behavior for a young relationship as it robs the other person of the opportunity to experience what and how they feel and move in the relationship accordingly. Such actions may push the receiver to accept love advances even when unready.
This behavior is also manipulative, as the person showering you with all the love and presents is trying to control you. They consider these actions leverage to get what they want in the relationship.
What Is Ghosting?
Ghosting in dating describes ending all contact without a warning or explanation. In the age of online dating apps, ghosting has become a very common phenomenon. Someone you may be talking to online or dating may stop interaction out of nowhere, hence, ghost you.
Ghosting can also be used to describe similar behavior in non-romantic relationships. The term is now generally used to describe avoidance.
Of course, getting ghosted isn’t a great experience. It can make you feel unwanted and wronged. You may not even know why you’re being ghosted. And it’s difficult to get answers since you don’t have contact with the person or they’re not speaking to you.
Why Do People Love Bomb Then Ghost?
On the surface, love bombing and ghosting are quite contrasting. So why do guys love bomb then ghost? Well, there hasn’t been any research on this particular behavior in dating. Nevertheless, there are a few probable, explainable causes.
Changing Dating Dynamics
Things have changed drastically with the popularity of social media and dating apps. While these apps arguably make it easier to meet people, not everyone has a good experience. For instance, in one survey, 88 percent of adults indicated disappointment with dating apps.
But what does the new digital dating age have to do with love bombing and ghosting? Well, finding someone through dating apps makes it easier to ghost them. With no mutual friends or contacts, it’s easier to unmatch and block the person to avoid them.
Many avoid conflict and confrontation, so they find it easier to end contact than explain why they don’t want to continue dating. And if they have been love bombing you, they might find ghosting easier than giving reasons, especially after showing so much affection.
Sadly, technology has nurtured such toxic possibilities in dating, but it’s a reality many of us have to face.
Underlying Mental Issues
Love bombing someone and abruptly leaving them without a word is irresponsible behavior. And a very likely cause behind such actions could be a mental health problem.
As mentioned, people with narcissistic traits or BPD are likely to love bomb their dates. However, their mental issues may also push them to ghost.
For instance, someone with BPD may showcase love and endearment as they are convinced you’re perfect. However, when they figure you’re not the ideal partner, they may ghost you.
Similarly, people with avoidant attachment issues find it hard to commit and get emotionally attached to someone. They may have shown affection to you initially, but their nerves about embracing an emotional connection got to them and caused them to run away.
Loss of Control
Remember that love bombing is essentially a controlling technique. It’s a way for individuals to get what they desire in a relationship. However, when they detect they’re losing control, they may not want the relationship to continue. Hence, they end up ghosting.
If you resisted their efforts to progress the relationship quickly, they might have taken it as a sign of losing control.
Change of Heart
It’s quite possible that the person who was so much fond of you had a change of heart. While their need for intimacy and emotional connection led them to love bomb you, it’s plausible that their feelings changed.
It would have been decent for them to come clean about their feelings. But they simply avoided the explanation stage and called it quits by ceasing all contact.
Other Possible Reasons (Or No Reasons)
It’s hard to find the reason for ghosting when the person is no longer communicating with you. Understandably, your mind may start rationalizing what happened, trying to come up with a reason. At the same time, it’s possible that there wasn’t any specific reason, at least not one related to you.
Keep in mind, humans can be quite unpredictable.
Ways to Cope After Being Love Bombed Then Ghosted
Getting ghosted after a relentless episode of love bombing can be an agonizing experience. Even if you haven’t gotten closer to the person or dated briefly, your brain may find it hard to comprehend what happened.
But the reality is that you have been love bombed and ghosted. You may not even get to know the reason. The only thing you can do now is try to move on.
Here are some ways you can cope with getting ghosted:
Such erratic behavior from a person can leave you shaken. You may think that you’re likely at fault. You may wonder why someone ready for commitment suddenly would disappear. It’s easier to blame yourself and think that something you did or who you are drove them away.
You need to know that it’s not your fault. There could be any reason for them to ghost you after bombing you with love. It might not have anything to do with you.
Don’t Go Hunting for a Reason
Of course, you want answers. But it’s better to let go and not look for a reason for what just happened. So there’s no point in contacting or stalking them on social media to find the answer.
Such actions will only take a toll on your mental health. It’s best to avoid any contact and not seek answers.
Take the Time to Recuperate
Your hurting over getting love bombed and then ghosted is justified. It’s a confusing and agonizing experience. However, you can heal and come out of it stronger with time.
Even if you never got intimate or serious, it’s understandable that you might still be mad about what happened. Don’t let the anger get to you.
It may be best to take some time before going on a date again. Once you’re sure that you’ve processed your feelings and moved on, you’ll be in a better position to date.
Speak to a Professional
What you’re feeling may not make sense. Even after a while, you may find it hard to accept the love bombing and ghosting. If you’re struggling to move on, speaking to a therapist or counselor about it is best.
Talk therapy can help you process the events and recognize your feelings. A therapist or counselor will help you understand that such experiences shouldn’t keep you from trusting someone again.
It’s Not How Your Story Ends
Love bombing is manipulative. Ghosting is even worse. Getting love bombed and then ghosted is a punch in the gut. But it’s something you can deal with healthily. Don’t let it get to your head or damage your ability to trust.
Seek the help of family and friends to get through it. If need be, speak to your therapist to put things into perspective. Besides, you’re likely better off without such a person!