Mother/daughter relationships can be tricky, dysfunctional, or even toxic. Like every other relationship that goes through difficult phases, the relationship between mother and daughter may also face times when it needs help to overcome difficult moments.

Within mother/daughter conflict resolution, it is healthy to address the root causes of the arguments. Mother/daughter counselling can be the healthy option to resolve issues and strengthen the relationship. A therapist would guide the mother and the daughter to find the real cause of their arguments, to learn new communication skills and to maintain healthy boundaries within their relationship.

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As a first step, it is very helpful to understand the difficulties that can arise in the mother/daughter relationship and how these can be overcome through counselling or therapy. You can find some good online platform for it, such as teencounseling.com or betterhelp.com.

Mum does not recognise her daughter is now an adult

One root cause of conflict between mother and daughter is the challenge for the mother to accept that her daughter has grown into an adult. The adult daughter is moving towards independence and the mother may be finding it difficult to let go and feels like she is losing her daughter. When trying to maintain the link with her daughter, the mother may ask questions which the daughter considers as intrusive or gives advice that the daughter sees as interference.

In therapy for mother/daughter relationships, both mother and daughter are given space to share their thoughts and feelings towards each other in a safe environment. A daughter may share her concern at her mother’s constant worrying and the mother may share how she does this out of love. The therapist would guide them in a non-judgemental manner to understand each other’s perspective, to work on improving their own behaviour and to move towards a healthier relationship.

Overcommunication between mother and daughter

Mother/daughter counselling can be a very useful tool for both parties to learn how to build boundaries while respecting each other’s individuality and space. While the regular phone calls and messages may be seen as a sign of closeness, this is often unhealthy.

The professional therapist would guide the individuals to appreciate the impact that overcommunication may be having on each other and on other family members, who may feel resentment about the overcommunication between mother and daughter.

Looking for a mother/daughter relationship specialist?
Get matched with the right therapist.

Miscommunication due to distance

Distance may lead to problems of miscommunication between mother and daughter, specially in blended families. As they increasingly rely on phone calls and messages, they may experience more misunderstandings and consequently grow more distant from each other.

While other choices of communication which include video allow the mother and daughter to observe facial expressions and body language, the therapist would guide them to explore clearer and healthier ways of communication that help their relationship to grow.

Jealousy and misunderstandings

It is a very common human emotion to feel jealousy towards another person, and the mother/daughter relationship is not exempt from this feeling. A mother may feel resentment towards her daughter’s relationships with her mother-in-law, her step-mother, or some other adult person. These relationships may be perceived as a form of threat to the mother-daughter relationship. The mother may also feel resentment towards the opportunities that her daughter may be enjoying in her generation, which were otherwise unavailable to her when she was younger herself.

Since jealousy cannot simply be resolved by discussing it, therapy for mother/daughter relationships offers the opportunity to analyse the situation, acknowledge feelings of jealousy and agree on a plan of action as a way forward.

Competitiveness

Some adult daughters may go through a lifelong power struggle with their mothers. Subconsciously, they may be constantly seeking the approval of the other but never getting it. Both mother and grown daughter feel frustrated and misunderstood. Neither wants to believe that they are competitive and will often see the other as the guilty party. In mother/daughter therapy sessions, these issues are explored and tacked in a safe environment where both persons will work on a healthy way forward.

mother daughter counseling

How to find an affordable Mother/Daughter Therapist near me?

Tailor made online Mother/Daughter Therapy sessions exist. The more specialised the therapy is, the more difficult it is to find a therapist “near you”. Online or virtual therapy is worth it, and it works: experience shows that apart from being affordable and convenient, individuals can access the help they need, when and how they can best receive it.

The online platforms betterhelp.com and teencounseling.com can be a good solution, where specialised professional therapists can provide you with the guidance and support that you need to work on mother/daughter relationship challenges.

Betterhelp.com offers private, affordable online counselling when you need it from licensed, board-accredited therapists. The online counselling and therapy services are provided through web-based interaction as well as phone and text communication. Feel free to get in touch with them and they will match you with the best therapist to support and guide you.

At teencouseling.com, the service is provided by independent professionals who work directly with you. They are not employees of the website but the platform provides a space where individuals and therapists communicate effectively. The professionals that work through regain.us are licensed and credentialed therapists who were certified by their state’s board to provide therapy.

There is nothing shame about seeking help for conflict resolution

Mothers and daughters frequently feel ashamed about their relationship difficulties. They feel that they “should” be able to get along well because popular wisdom tells them that mothers and daughters are supposed to be close. They may even go as far as to blame themselves for causing their relationship difficulties. As the experience of professionals shows, the truth is that many women experience mother-daughter relationship conflict. Online therapy makes it easier to reach out for affordable help by specialised professionals. Help is out there, and it is easy to check it out so that you ensure that the best match in terms of therapist is found for your own particular needs, in order for them to guide you to work on our relationship.

Does the online therapy accept payment through my insurance?

If you consider using your health insurance for online therapy, check your coverage carefully by asking the following questions:
• Do I have mental health insurance benefits?
• What is my deductible, and has it been met?
• How many sessions per year does my health insurance cover?
• What does the coverage amount to per therapy session?
• Is approval required from my primary care physician?

Josiane Camilleri

Josiane Camilleri

Professor

Writer for Therapy Hunter as well as psychology
professor at Malta University.

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